03 April 2010

insanity in me.

i have to change.
seriously, i feel that i have so many negative thoughts that are trapped in my big head.
negative thoughts as well as negative attitudes.
i am not that good, i have to admit that.
so, i want to change.
because i don't want to keep blaming others for those mistakes.
although sometimes they were actually the one who i should put the blame on.
but, i wouldn't get anywhere by pointing fingers to others.
problems can't be solved by blaming others.
even if it was really their fault,
i should sit back and start thinking on how to solve the problem,
instead of getting mad or angry and hoping that things would be okay by cursing them and saying those f words to them.
sometimes, it was my fault.
yeah, they started it,
but i took it too personal and things would get worse and worse.
i have to more cool,
and more relax.
the problem is, i get angry too easy.
that's me.
say something bad about me, and
the next thing you know is i am standing in front of you holding a knife.
or to make things easier,
i would delete them straight away from my life.
just press the 'delete' button and it's done.
as simple as that.
but the problem is, i don't get mad for long.
after a while, i would somehow, be okay.
so this is where everything started to be a bit complicated.
since i have deleted them from my life or
they might have been dead, killed by me.
i would go crazy thinking, how am i going to make up with them.
how ??
things would get pretty awkward or arghhh.
i just don't know.
actually the main point here is how i am going to make things go right again.
sometimes it would involve my family, work, friends, my stuff, my cat
and myself.
i want to get rid of these negative thoughts from my BIG BULGING HEAD.
haihhhh !
it's still not too late for me to change, right?
you don't have to wait for New Year to come in order to change.
you can definitely change yourself a few months after New Year.
like me.
but i don't know.
i want to change for the sake of myself.
because this is involving my future.
bad attitude = dark future.
am i right?
so that's it.
i'm not too good to be a Saint
and i'm not that bad to be a two horned Devil.
but i was a devil back then.
tapi retired already lah.
it was tiring you know.
being bad is not that fun.
ok, that's all for now.

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